Content: fantasy

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This is a story about a girl who finds herself in a lost world of vampires and witches. I'm looking for any kind of feedback to help make my story stronger. Any grammatical errors, sentences that don't make sense, anything I can expand on, etc...

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Basic summary: There have been three people murdered in New York City, all of whom have no physical injuries or wounds, yet cause of death is blood loss. Serena Weller, a current college student, is all too familiar with these types of deaths and knows that she needs to take steps to find the vampire(s) behind it and stop them. Feedback: I'm specifically looking for feedback on my characters and their development (or anything that is unclear). Please correct any grammar that is off. I've tried to proofread, but...you know how it is. Also, please point out any flaws in the plot (anything illogical, unrealistic, too banal, etc).

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I‘d already experienced menopause, watched wrinkles become the mainstay of my facial features, and wondered if I’d ever have sex with a man that didn’t need a little blue pill. Let me say, I have always believed in vampires, and really wanted to be one. . . . That is until the incident in the public restroom with the innocent looking little cherub from hell, and my becoming the real thing. Now with a family of very vane woman, guess how that went over. An undead domino effect followed. I'm going for a comedy, so for all of you serious traditional vampire folks this is definitely not the Anne Rice, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Blade angle. And I'm here for your help, so any comments or corrections will be greatly appreciated.

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The Wizard Diaries is a comedic fantasy series about how the tropes and idioms of traditional fantasy stories would relate to actual history. It's written as if it were an ancient historical document that had been uncovered and translated, like Beowulf or the Morte D'Arthur.

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This is chapter one of a novel. The story will be the hero's journey. This first chapter introduces the brothers, the central characters, and reveals a bit of their strengths, the threat and type of magic that is woven through the story.

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One of the writing I did for the college's fiction magazine about The Polar Bear searching for The Northern lights when it went missing from the arctic. I would like people to look at the grammatical error and meaning in this story, for I would like to if my message was being carried well to the readers or not.

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Summary: When his puppy died at the hand of 'Death', Hunz leaves his home in search of someone who could mend his wounded heart. A/N: This is my rough revision thus far.The story was intended for young adult and 10+ audience. I'm still looking for one to two more reviews on story and grammar before I can make another revision. Thank you for your help. I'm really appreciate it. Nasp Semeku, Frolicing under the moon.

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Humble Sky tells the story of the development of a new drug for depression. Seen from the inside of a biotechnology start-up company, four characters' perspectives are used: Jacob (a middle manager and smart aleck), Emma (Jacob's spouse), Tony (Jacob's boss), and Patty (Jacob's employee). Tony manages the company like a dysfunctional parent and requires employees to spy on one another. Emma suffers from depression and pressures Jacob onto a Texas-themed cruise ship. Patty saves the scientific integrity of their work from Tony's profiteering and reaps her own financial reward. Jacob travels to the Caribbean, pits Texan and French passengers against one another and in a Book of Job-inspired sequence, he has a conversation with God. Feedback of all kinds welcome.

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Sometimes in life we cannot choose who's in our family. Even when we may not know they are family when we first meet them. Journey along with Kira as she searches for her missing brothers and discovers a whole new dimension to her family.

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Battles of the Brokenhearted: The Life and Times of Quest City is a 180,000-word fantasy-adventure about a king trapped in a war with his son on the planet Spirita. To nullify his disadvantage, the king clones eleven humans from different walks of life by sampling their souls. He then raises them as his own children to become the mightiest heroes Spirita has ever seen. Later, the king returns the soul shavings and asks the humans to bring their entire selves into the conflict. In response, this motley crew of broken hearts struggles with memories of war and a sense of family that flourished in a place they never physically experienced. Yet, they also contend with each other and the reality of being ordinary people with antiheroic tendencies. But what ultimately hampers their reply to the king’s appeal is Quest City: a new metropolis that veils a dark heritage where mobsters keep city hall on puppet strings and the meaning of family is as blurred as the bullets that dictate the town’s policies

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Book one of four in the KingMaker Series. Stephen finds the magic sword KingMaker. While practicing with it he encounters an ogre and begins his path to the throne. But what makes a king? Is it the man, or the sword?

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Born of their seeds, kingdom will rise against kingdom. One will hold great mysteries. One will turn the tide. One will not be bound. War is fought, not only on the field, but also within the mind. Nothing is what it seems, take nothing for granted. The gifted are fighting for you. Do you have the right to become an entity? Take the challenge and go with them, as they tap into the unfolding universal truths. Nothing is what it seems, take nothing for granted.

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An idea for an English creative writing unit im doing atm. It's based on a myth I love, starting half way through. It's based on the goddess Rhiannon. Let me know what you think. I've re-done the ending of this, but I havn't tey had a chance to have a look at editing the rest! Please tell me your comments on whether this ending wraps up te story better...and if it tells you the reasons for her being framed etc...and if you can work out who stole the baby! =D

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These are the first few chapters of what I hope will become a very long work of serial epic fantasy. (I aspire to being favorably compared with Robert Jordan, Stephen R. Donaldson, and George R.R. Martin.) I'll accept any and all feedback at this point. But I'm most specifically looking for feedback on the pacing of the novel, whether the action is too quiet (if you will) and really, what you believe is needed (if anything) to carry the momentum of the novel such that folks are waiting eagerly in line for the second book in the series.

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I came up with the perfect excuse for why I'd be spending so much time with Gabe. Okay, so with Sam there could never be a good reason for me spending time with Gabe, but this would have to do: The Tri-County Martial Arts Tournament. I would explain to Sam that I have a burning desire to kick some serious tail at the tourney and Gabe was going to be my own private tutor. Yikes. He would hate it. But it beat telling him the truth. Hey, Sam, guess what? Gabe is actually a higher being. He was sent here to find me. My migraines - well, I've been meaning to tell you this, but I really do see dead people, and all sorts of scary stuff, but it's okay, because you see, Sam, I'm The Seer. That's right, I'm The Seer. And I'm the only thing standing between a race of higher beings that you've never heard of before and utter annihilation. I have to spend hours with Gabe every week because I'm the Obi-Wan to their Princess Leia. I'm their only hope. He'd call for the Straightjacket Brigade immediately. Who'd believe a story like that--especially with a history of mental illness in the family? No, The Tri-County Martial Arts Tournament would have to do.

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For twenty-five years the monarchy of Thalacia has been lost, victims of a dark elven invasion. Only the recovery of the Gems of Elvenkind and the reforging of the Crown of Power can possibly oust the elves and restore the rightful heir to the throne. Now, one of these fabled jewels has been found, catapulting Father Evan Pierce and his companions on a search across the kingdom to find the rest of these magic stones in the hopes of regaining what has been lost.

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We (my co-creator and I) would be delighted to hear anything feedback you think could help us improve this work. I am especially interested to know if it keeps you wanting to read more. This is a working title and we would also love to have any suggestions on that. Thank you for taking the time to read this! We really appreciate that! We look forward to hearing from you!

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In a land where the four mystic Elements embody the magic of life, death and the realm of the next-life, Keevan just wants to fit in... if he can only stay alive long enough to learn how! This is my first novel and I'm writing it initially for the Young Adult reader. Please let me know if you think it works for that genre; especially the prelude, I'm not sure how well the narrator works here. This is my entry into the Strongest Start Novel competition. Unfortunately, two of the first 3 chapters are also the shortest. I figured a lot will change after I get feedback from the fantastic community here!

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Jason knows his Shakespeare. He can recite every word of every play, every scrap of history, every syllable of criticism that’s referenced the Bard of Avon. But Jason has just discovered a world within our own, where monsters and murderers hunt for a powerful treasure missing for the last four hundred years. This is more-or-less finished piece. I'm looking for reactions as well as plot holes, inconsistencies, and anything else that can polish this into a better story.

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Rick and Bobo - Two brothers: one a genius, one not. -- What would you do if you suddenly had way too much money? After the usual thrills, if you got bored enough, and happened to be two movie fanatic brothers, you might just try to become a superhero. -- -- This is a 100k word superhero/comedy adventure and is the first in a 4 book series. In addition to critiquing the content, if you find any typos or grammatical errors, please let me know. -- -- This story is written in 3rd perso omni, although I have brought my narrator in too late. That being said, if you notice any pov issues that sound awkward even though there is a narrator, please point them out, and if you would, suggest a fix. Thank you!

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This is a twisted-history fantasy. I'm posting this despite my test-reader's comment (I can't slander her due to close personal relationship) - she said: "No, I don't get it." Not the end of the world, but a setback. I'm getting so used to writing with a 5000 word limit, I managed to cram it all in, but I had to wonder: is the ending too abrupt? Any comments welcomed.

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(I'm currently in the process of revising. I can't decide where I want to end book one, so I'm going rewrite until I get there!) A kid from the inner-city finds out he AIN'T from the inner-city. He's the Hearth Tender, protector of the divine flame that fuels all life on Stargleam, a planet in the ninth realm. Before he can assume his duties, however, he must figure out a way to get home!

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This is an adventure story in which an eleven year old girl finds herself in another world and through a series of journeys manages to change the way that world is run. Currently I'm working on what I hope to be a close to final draft, and I need a lot of feedback on the final chapters.

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Survival stories are a dime-a-dozen, people get lost in the woods and are normally rescued after a few weeks of surviving the dangers of the great outdoors, This story will come with a twist,, a supernatural twist — at least I think that's where it's heading. Let me know what you think of the story line so far, please. Does it peak your interest? Do you want to read more? I would appreciate any and all critiques regarding all components of the story. And please, don't be afraid to be brutal — I can take it!

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Don that perfect outfit, and you can play the part.

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Ever wonder what would happen if an alien and a guardian angel crossed paths, say in a sick woman's room one night? This odd scenario sparked an idea in my warped brain for the following short story. I love feedback that tells me what you think of the story, any mistakes you find, and ideas for making it better.

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I don't know really... playing with thoughts and words

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A great secret is revealed when an assassin tries to kill eighteen-year-old Gabriel Adam; Gabriel is one of four Archangels, born into human form to prevent beginning of the End of Days. Now, he must leave behind the normal life he's known to fulfill a prophecy kept secret for centuries by a clandestine group. Thus begins The Secret of Gabriel Adam, a 75,000 word commercial fiction. Sixteen hundred years ago, the Roman Empire declared the prophetic book, The Apocalypse of Solomon to be heretical and banned it from Biblical canon. With every copy destroyed, the prophecy and all the knowledge it contained to endure the apocalypse was lost. However, one copy survived and now resides in England. With the assassin still in pursuit, Gabriel and his zealous father must travel to England in hopes that the book will guide them. Joined there by Micah - a beautiful Archangel girl - Gabriel must uncover a faith in himself he didn’t know existed before a metaphysical transformation can unlock the power that dwells inside him. But with only two under-trained Archangels and the other two missing or dead, the only hope at stopping the assassin and the End of Days is a weapon hidden inside the Ark of the Covenant somewhere in Aksum, Ethiopia.

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This is a fantasy story where humans and magical creatures like elves and wizards (collectively referred to as wizards) have co-existed for centuries, advancing together in a world which mirrors our own. Wizards live among human cities in areas specifically designed to meet their needs called Compounds. This story is about a young Demon Mage named Rick Spenster who is trying to adjust to a new life in a human/wizard University while dealing with his rare and feared wizard class of Demon Mage.

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This story is a modern-day fantasy about a burned out salesman who checks out of an insane asylum to go on a quest to find the world’s greatest peace maker and save him from being assassinated. Why would anyone want to kill someone like this? Because most people don’t really want peace. Oh, they say they do, but what they really want is more money, more control of their lives, more love, more sex, more of any and all of the best things in life, including no more problems that get in the way of getting more stuff. The disillusioned hero, Morgan Shores, is joined on his quest by Mina Van Cortland, a plein air artist. His mentor, Virgil Wiggins, is dead but is brought back to life on a smoke screen monitor by using a secret alchemy process. Along the way, Morgan and Mina catch glimpses of a magical sunrise atop the Great Wall of the Manitou in the Catskill Mountains and take a Shaman’s vision quest in Ecuador’s Amazon forest. They also discover how conflict was born into the world and delivered to the Lord of the Sky in the Tien Shen Mountains on the far side of China. Near the end, while wearing special glasses grafted to his head, Morgan sees parasites clinging to human beings that slowly drain and warp a person’s desire for soul satisfying pleasure and happiness. In the end, the peace maker dies in the arms of his would be champion. What the survivors are left with is the wisdom required to create a force for peace no one can kill.

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John Symonds family holds a secret, a secret that is over 3000 years old. A secret which has influenced the history of the world. A secret which Johns family have fought, killed and died to keep. A secret that armies have marched across Europe to capture. A secret that will change the world. A secret that John doesn’t know about. But as John’s father lies’ dying in hospital and his own perfect childhood lies broken around him John will learn the price his family has paid for keeping its secret for so long. He will learn why he has never been ill until now, why his grandmother speaks fluent French, why every night for the last 14 years when he has gone to bed he’s dreamed of a small white dragon called Hywytt and he will learn about the world that hides behind the secret. A world of magic that hides from humanity at every opportunity. A world that an outlawed Faerie, a drunken angel, a baby troll, a maternal orc and a gastronomic dwarf are fighting to free from itself. A world whose fate lies in the hands of John and a small white dragon called Hywytt. All feedback gratefully recieved, the novel is intended for publication so be as critical as you want, I'm after honesty here folks.

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This is a tale based in a magical, deadly domain called Itzamna. Named for the Aztec god of healing who first arrived on the domain long ago the domain is home to a mixed pantheon of Aztec/Mayan deities. Itzamna lies on a world named Kole on which exist many other domains each ruled over and protected by their own pantheons or deities. Itzamna has just seen what is reffered to by nativess as "The Return". A day came when the gods arrived amidst the people, denounced the rampant practice of human sacrifice and made instant residence as rulers of some small piece of the domain. The gods had arrived and were not leaving. Mortal and petitioners exist alongside one another, each hoping to achieve the same goal. But all the souls on Kole are there for a reason. Their gods called them from countless worlds after living countless lives, tempered and tried until they were found worthy. But what happens when souls are stolen? Petitioners suddenly dissapearing from their homes in the inner cities and realms of their gods have the Sword seeking answers. The truth about the domains and the constant struggles over them between gods, elder gods and alien deities of unspeakable origin is realized. The Sword has been tempered themselves through war and trial that would make most men mad, if not dead. Now they must face what the gods themselves cannot. Itzamna is being slowly invaded by an outside pantheon. One claiming the right over the domain. They must complete their Lyr'marr in the name of the New all mother of Kole lest they be banished once again to distant realms, but once they do even Kukulcan will be unable to stop their onslaught on the native populace. THe gods themselves will go to war and the mortals will pay the price. Any and all feedback is welcome but I really want to see how intrigued you are and, do you think the story or world is to complicated or confusing? I will soon enough be adding further chapters if all goes well.

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Alimar is a 14 year old boy who has led a simple life. He has had a reoccuring dream of an intense battle. Finally, he realizes that he knows someone from the dream and sets out to get some answers. The answers he gets sends him on a quest of epic preportions.

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Henry has a special friend- the best kind of friend. Henry's friend is loyal, strong, and absolutely invisible. This is flash fiction according to a standard set at 1000 words. Any feedback is welcome. This is actually an older piece that I just recently came across. I had forgotten how much I like this story.

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“Six children are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime, and what they learn about their heritage, will be so powerful it’ll change their life forever.” This book is best described as: THE LORD OF THE RINGS, meets, STAND BY ME, meets, THE WIZARD OF OZ. In CULVER’S TREASURE, all six children share one common bond, which is their mother’s have been best friends since birth, so the six of them have always had each other, but never asked why, until now. CULVER'S TREASURE has already been critiqued, and edited by a professional editing company. I also passed out the first three chapter's of the book to the general public for feedback. I'm always looking for feedback on everything I write because it helps me become a stronger writer. Please let me know if you think the beginning of the book is catchy, and if you like it and why, or if you don't care for it, and why.

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Ever imagine what a poet dreams?

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IN A FOREST, UNAFRAID introduces a fantastic land primarily discovered through the eyes of a young girl with more whimsical notions than good, common sense to her nature. Dangerous at the best of times, this quality leads the girl from her isolated farmhouse and into what has come to be known as the Waking Forest, a place where all things fey and frightening have begun to stir against the broken empire of Noc Pria. ((All suggestions welcome.))

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I have the body of a goblin-kin, but even more shocking, is that I chose to become this monster. I was a soldier who believed in honor and discipline, but those two concepts are not even understood in the society I must now embrace. Two images from my past haunt my present: my betrothed, Altherie Evenal, and the gnome in my tapestry. I understand why Altherie is constantly in my thoughts, but the gnome from my tapestry is an enigma. Although he was only a wall hanging, he seems as real as the woman I love. Could there be a connection between my obsession with his image and my current predicament? Or is he the key to my release, my salvation from the body of the monster I now inhabit?

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Redemption, Arkansas is a small country town where things aren't always what they seem and the people never are...

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A man is offered a new life to replace his old one.

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Someone is murdering the good people of Greenfield, and there’s talk of a serial killer on the loose. Finding him should be an easy task for a guy with super-powers: too bad he falls out of the sky. If Marshall Jamrozik has any hope of ending the killing spree, he’ll need a little help from a morbidly obese shop keeper who just happens to be a witch, and a hard drinking senior citizen with a penchant for lifting heavy objects... like automobiles. Corrupt cops, Ogres, thirty six-year-old Siamese cats, and of course, the Netherworld. All in a day’s work when you’re trying to save a city from a baneful and simmering evil that’s about to be unleashed.

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I am taking the LEAP today. I have been a reviewer for about a week now, so I've got a real good feel of the neighborhood. I've read tons of great writing, wrote 58 reviews, got 53 replies, more than sixty two points, a smashing rating, and I've got a pretty good ranking for a newbie. Plus I'm among damn good company, I have paid my fees and dues, so, I am ready to graduate to writing class. Hi mates! I am Kulanga.

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What makes a human, human? Are heroes born, bred, or created?

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To whom does The People's Champion belong? The people or himself? That's the question foundling(orphan) Jakund Frey'lnd, a gifted young swordsman and war hero dubbed "Kid Blade," struggles with as he battles the ferocious Gothari and learns that his fame as warrior makes him a target for those looking to make a name for themself as well as an unwilling player in the games of the powerful. This is a Young Adult Fantasy, filled with humor and action, designed to appeal to all ages.

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The world in which we live is changing drastically. Science and technology are taking us to levels of existence hitherto deemed impossible. But where has man really progressed? Just a few thoughts.

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Meet Elizabeth...a vampire like no other. She doesn't follow the triditional myths, she has her own world.

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A young woman is found dead inside a locked house. Is it a natural death or is there something sinister involved?

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Warning: this novel has at least four levels, is full of sex and violence, and is very fast paced. The Well of Women is at risk, as is the Tourney which Rhiannon wishes to use for pride and peace. But there are riots against offworlders, who the people blame for the rash of mother hate that is spreading through the land. And there is the mysterious Maelan--supposed guardian of the Well, whose malfunction may explain the evil that is afoot.

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In the land of Rystria the villages and towns have enjoyed a long period of peace and prosperity. The Miner's Guild is responsible for collecting the rich metals and minerals from their lands. But evil lurks from across the sea, a new leader has risen in the lands of Vistilan. Arianna is a young seamstress from the village of Fairedge. She knows little of the world around her and lives a simple life with her mother. When her father dies and leaves a huge debt, Arianna finds herself traveling farm from home to work in the mines to pay off that debt. Within Arianna is a power that will be pivotal in battling the forces of Vistilan.

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He fell through a portal to encounter a strange world. He sought vengence on those who were responsible. This is going to be an entry into a flash fiction contest, so please let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.

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Two forces drive Harrison Cody to trek from New England to Chicago on foot: a bewildering pixie named Glimmer, and Claudia, the voice on the radio who may be the only other human still alive.

Static Mayhem, a mainstream novel that weaves elements of Fairy Tale, Science Fiction and Horror into a contemporary setting, tells his story. Harrison's journey reveals a North America whose human population has been replaced by dinosaurs, demons and dragons, and whose infrastructure has been reduced to a smattering of buildings holding artifacts from Earth's past and future. For all the surreal obstacles of his environment, his greatest challenge proves to be the care of two young survivors, separately orphaned and in clear need of a parent. Their eventual arrival in Chicago is punctuated by his arrest, and after clearing himself and establishing a life in this new cradle of civilization, he finds that his unanswered questions pale in importance to his new family.

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For a thousand years civilized realms have lived in the shadow of the ratmen, a vicious warrior race kept in check by their willingness to slaughter one another. But now the necromancer Demos Azari has summoned a demon lord to gather the ratmen under one banner and march on the lands of men and dwarves. Only one group of heros, the Magician Aaron, the halfling Walley Highspirt, the Paladin Thomas Grey, the dwarf Maximilian, and the dark elf Anastazja hold to key to stopping Demos before the world is engulfed in darkness.

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Danny Marx is abruptly torn from his unpromising life as an average office grunt, by a woman he's had a crush on for weeks before actually meeting her. Now facing a series of unexpected and confusing threats, he finds that the more he learns about Caprice, the less sense she makes to him. This book is a bit of an experiment for me on several levels, not the least of which is to find out whether I am capable of writing a short novel. NOTE TO POTENTIAL REVIEWERS: As with any novel, the point of entry should be chapter one. With Caprice in particular, if you jump in anywhere else, you will almost certainly miss the entire point of the story. That danger will increase exponentially as I add more chapters. The kind of feedback I need more than anything else is about plot and character development, so latecomer reviews, while well-intentioned, won't be of value. Please start from the beginning.

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Lilly thought she was safe from the cruel outside world tucked away in the massive library of the school of Calnar. Spending all of her free time with the ancient myths and legends, she immersed herself in a world that existed beyond her own; a world where true warriors for good existed and magic was real and both were able to keep the evil at bay. She battled her belief that such things truly existed. On the night of the Autumnal Festival, her peaceful existence is shattered when attacked in the library by a fellow student. Unbeknownst to Lilly, the young man who rescues her is one of the very warriors she so desperately needs to believe in. PLEASE START ANY REVIEWING WITH CHAPTER ONE, AS JUMPING INTO THE MIDDLE OF A NOVEL IS RUDE AND COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO BOTH WRITER AND READER. *****Originally posted under Scrolls of Elburon: Book I*****

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Rhiannon, prodigal daughter of the king of New Fairy, has suffered a terrible curse. Having humiliated a witch, she must suffer a unique shame--she must go naked, regardless of the weather or social situation. These are the stories of how she reclaims her dignity and fights the evil of men, and her own inner conflicts.

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