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Charles "Cash" Register is a Private Investigator whose new case is to reclaim the missing wife of a weird little mystic from the "Spirits of the Great Beyond." His mother thinks she is a reincarnation of Annie Oakley. She's very handy with a lasso. His assistant is a gorgeous but ditzy blonde who's built like the best brick outhouse money can buy. She has a lot of skin to cover in places. Somehow she always has a little trouble keeping it adequately covered. When Chuck-A-Roo the Clown; Cedrick the Sissy; and old, senile Mrs. Snodgrass and her dog get involved, it becomes a calamity. The humor is a little silly and over-the-top in places. BEWARE: There is a lot of sexual inuendo, adult situations and adult language. And yes, our P.I. is a bit chauvanistic at times. Any comments you would care to make are welcomed. Anything from a general "I like it" or "I don't like it" to a lengthy technical critique would be fine. I am writing this as I go. I have completed but four chapters at this point. I was rather reluctant to do it this way. But, what the heck. It will force me to work hard on it. Problem is...I don't have a clue where the story is going yet! Should be interesting! Thanks in advance.

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Jordan, a female reporter, encounters a handsome stranger who turns out to be a lot more. When she gets the chance at a great story the chaos begins. It's not a typical day in a reporters life...or is it. All feedback welcome

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Just a sort of dark humorous reminder to keep things in perspective. Any an all sharing is welcome.

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Fleeing from what I consider second class citizenship as a woman in Ghana, I elope to America with a U.S marine only to find myself as mired in the underworld of illegal immigration. This is a story about love, rebellion, family,and friendship.

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Kat Ruzinowski moves from her hometown of Chicago to accept a painter-in-residency slot at the Indianapolis Arts Lofts, and to be closer to her long-term friend, Jeanie. The problem is, Jeanie's psychiatric career and family keep her as distant from Kat as when they lived in separate cities. It's been thirteen years since their artsy college band, but when Jeanie suggests the two of them play guitars again, Kat jumps at the chance to re-connect. But she's not the only one interested in joining Jeanie's basement jam. An Indy socialite wants to sing lead, and a talented yet troubled guitarist also signs on. Kat's career and love life intertwine with the band while relationships with friends outside the group suffer. Some of the mysterious behavior of her art friends clears up at a gallery opening featuring her work—an evening in which all of her dreams seem in reach. However, will a disastrous debut of Female Trouble mean a finale for her and Jeanie's friendship, her skyrocketing art career, and romance; or will Kat dare to accept the truth: that life and relationships involve change?

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Just for fun--haven't been here for a while

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In the desert you can get lost and die or find yourself and begin to live. This is a travel story of love, lust, death and life. The arena is Baja Sur Mexico. Chapter one begins in Oregon 2008 I've clipped this first chapter a bit to fit into the 5000 word frame. What I'm looking for first is opinion as to the readability of the opening and it's appeal or lack there of

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I really do hate mornings. I thought I'd share that disdain with you. Any and all comments welcomed.

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It's All Mercenary is a humorous take on the overly used plot of a quest. You have your generic characters: Mage, Barbarian, Healer, Mercenary, etc, but they are filled by personalities who don't quite fit the boundaries of their roles. Told in first person. Any and all feedback is welcome, just keep in mind that it's SUPPOSED to be ridiculous.

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Story's the summary! Re the provided photo of an ostensibly down-on-his-luck man, circa the Depression years.

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Please allow me to introduce Marnie. Marnie is a kind of lovable screwball, always feeling somewhat estranged from her family. She more than half-believes the teasing remarks of an aunt that she was found on her family's doorstep. Due to Marnie's feelings of "otherness" she has had a lifelong rocky relationship with her family. Rather than accept her family as they are, she attempts to create an ideal family for herself by going round buying up various artifacts and attributing them to her ideal family members. Not certain yet if there is enough for an eventual novel, but heeere's Marnie!

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This is my NaNo novel, a cozy mystery I started this summer with a paper-thin idea that one of the impersonators at a Tom Jones festival is murdered. I gave it to an editorial consultant who's helped me with other pieces and she said I should start the story at the festival rather than at the rest home. Anyway, if you read the first chapter, does this new one work better? Thanks for letting me know if it has potential and what could be better.

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I subconsciously switch tense between chapters and then tell myself it's just another way to keep things interesting. We'll see. HA! Also, since I haven't worked out the entire plot at this point, I basically write a bunch of loosely connected scenes and then tell myself it makes for experimental structure. We'll have to see about that too. The first four chapters (actually seven) are all prologue. At first, I planned on writing a full-length novel that was entirely a prologue to a story that never happens, but have since shelved that idea in favor of no idea at all. Well, maybe that is the idea after all. Anyway, have fun suckas!

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True story of a conversation I had one afternoon with a very sweet, but oh so innocent, former student. Enjoy! :)

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Due to aldersmith's inspiration, I am posting a short story that used to be one of the chapters in A Gypsy Among Gysies. If you haven't read Gypsy, review it like any short story. For those of you who have read my memoir, I would love to know if you think I should add this to Gypsy. Thanks, Nancy

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Halloween political humor that includes them ALL, no bias here!

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A day in the life of a celebrity as she goes about trying to get her name in the news again and makes headlines for all the wrong reasons

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I am just playing with this idea as a humorous take on how republicans define words. What do you think?

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This is the revised, new version of THE YANK GIRL'S GUIDE TO CHEATING ABROAD. It may take a while to post, as I'm rewriting practically the whole thing. All readers and feedback are welcome, whether you read the old version or not. Thanks!

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Use the tune Row Row Row Your Boat as reading this short humorous take on the recent economic woes of USA

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The humorous story of an attractive forty-something woman, labeled by some in society as a "cougar," trying to succeed as the public relations manager to a sex-crazed Mayor in the world of Philadelphia's city politics. The wild antics of her dates, co-workers, and especially the mayor, add up as she tries to keep the mayor out of trouble and successfully land her dream job as a White House public relations manager. Things really get out of control when a religious foreign diplomat comes to town, accompanied by his beautiful twenty-two year old "party down" daughter.

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Thank you for your comments! I am grateful for them. To answer sonny, my mother's tongue is spanish. I was since very young in a bilingual school in Mexico and learned English in a military Academy in Missouri. I'm happy to tell That I've developed a very thick skin about comments and rejections, specially regarding grammar since it is obviously not my forte. I've made changes to the story taking in consideration all the comments, I agree with most of them and I hope that the changes I've made work better than the original. I don't kbnow if the way I introduced James' last name works better than the original. Saludos! Julian

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Questions rarely asked, without the answers.

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My entry in the Celebrity Vampire competition. I was quite successful with the last "celebrity" story I penned on this site, featuring my hard-luck heroine, Tangie Giacometti. So, since she's still very single and looking, I thought it was time to resurrect her for "Biting Benjamin Bratt," who may be (there are so many!) my favorite Hollywood hunk after John Cusack. Many thanks to my first eight reviewers (you know who you are) who really helped me shore this up!

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Round One has begun

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Okay. Reading Out of the Dust has inspired me to write a verse novel. The Promise is the story of accepting the challenge and responsiblity of caring for a 95 year old. The genre is fictionalized memoir, but we don't yet have that one listed. I am very uncertain about the order of the chapters, ultimately, I will probably shuffle them like a deck of cards unless I have an ephiphany about how this all fits together. Interested in any feedback, especially those who understand what I am trying to attempt.

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Just a few things that crossed my mind as I had the privilege of driving in St. Louis traffic yesterday. There's probably nothing here you haven't read before...just my take on it. Sometimes ya just gotta let off a little steam! As far as reviews,,,well, you folks already know I really stink with short stories and poems. So, blast away! I'm interested in any comments you might have.

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A night at karaoke has a twist. Any comments would be helpful. Thanks. Vern PS: This has been revised with an alternative ending also added. Both endings are included, with the original in {{{ }}}. Which is preferable in your opinion? And do the other changes help should you recognize them - mostly added dialogue and descriptive phrasing.

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An alchemist listed ingredients for his mysterious potion in poetry form.

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What does God do in Heaven all day? A humorous take on the connection between metaphysics and physics, and the sorry state of affairs on planet Earth.

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CAUTION: YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO READ THIS IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO DINNER, OR LUNCH, OR... Just a silly little thing that crossed my mind. After reading this, you'll probably wonder if I even have a mind! It's totally tasteless and has no redeeming qualities what so ever. But, I follow my muse...she insists! Feedback? Well, if you're desperate for credits!

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This is my entry for the My Writing Life contest. Parts have been borrowed from my memoir, Root Hog or Die. Any suggestions for improvement will be appreciated. Thanks.

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Just my rant about how the world has become so freaking complicated. I moved this from Short Story to Editorial and Opinion.

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This is just a bunch of silly nonesense that I wrote a few years ago. As I have previously mentioned, there is nothing deep or thought-provoking about my poetry. It's all extemporaneous with little or no rewrite. Just let me know if you found it slightly amusing.

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The frustrating game of golf

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My mysterious attack at work leaves Marilyn, the human resource manager in stitches. My final edit (I think) lol.

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A hilarious run-in with a quirky co-worker and my lips will never be the same!

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This is my entry in Round Two of a summer-long fiction competition. You have to write a piece of fiction 2,500 words or less from one of three prompts. Killer prompts this week. The one that inspired this piece was large women's nylons. Two years ago, I wrote a 350 flash on this theme. I added about 1,100 words to that original piece and shipped it off. Thanks for the early editing suggestions. Note to readers--you might not want to read the reviews--plot spoilers contained within.

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Forgetting to shave before getting a pedicure results in an UN-forgettable experience; for Selma AND the nail tech.

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“As any sexy woman knows, men seeking nooky are everywhere, all around us. Sit in a Starbucks, pick a guy, suck on your finger and wink at him, and you will most likely have optioned a bedfellow, should you want him.” Nobody knows this better than Sara Friche, a regular partaker of the erotic offerings of oversexed American males. Outwardly a graphic artist, Sara lives a secret life as Velvet -- courtesan and companion to the rich and sneaky. Striving for true intimacy, but settling for hilariously maladjusted playboys, Sara courts her patrons through the anonymity of the Internet, then welcomes them into her world to share laughter, friendship and orgasms. Even for a carefree woman, though, life can be unpredictable. When Sara's favorite fella inconveniently dies, and nosey wife Charlene rings her doorbell seeking an apprenticeship, Sara finds herself immersed in increasingly colorful adventures. The capers continue when the glittery wand of love thwacks Sara across the forehead and she falls head over heals for mysterious Lyon. This annoys competing suitor and wealthy playboy Daniel, who rushes in to re-establish dominance over his courtesan property. The two men compete fiercely for Sara, crushing her soul in a fiery clash of wills. With the help of girlfriend Stacy and Charlene, Sara regains her sense of humor, discovering the depths of love, and the man who truly loves her.

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A fractured bedtime story inspired by flowing pencil

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Humble Sky tells the story of the development of a new drug for depression. Seen from the inside of a biotechnology start-up company, four characters' perspectives are used: Jacob (a middle manager and smart aleck, suffers from weisenheimer syndrome), Emma (Jacob's spouse, suffers from depression and possibly bipolar disorder), Tony (Jacob's boss, displays narcissitic tendancies and perhaps mania or bipolar disorder), and Patty (Jacob's employee and borderline OCD). Tony manages the company like a dysfunctional parent and requires employees to spy on one another. Emma pressures Jacob onto a Texas-themed cruise ship. Patty saves the scientific integrity of their work from Tony's profiteering and reaps her own financial reward. Jacob and Emma travel to the Caribbean, pit Texan and French passengers against one another. Feedback of all kinds welcome. (NOTE: Revisions in progress. A potential additional opening prologue/chapter may be added before "Logic takes a Holiday" and "Jacob's Dream" is probably going to be retired and replaced with a non-dream chapter. There's a good chance that one more chapter/epilogue will follow "Emma's Dream.")

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NOTE: THIS IS AN OLD DRAFT NOW; I'm revising it as WHAT SCOTLAND TAUGHT ME. But you can still read it if you really want...

19-year-old Eva has a boyfriend back home in Oregon, but what American girl can resist a Scottish accent? Romancing an Edinburgh barkeep while working abroad, she knows she's taking risks. What she doesn't expect is the third guy entering the picture: a sarcastic fellow traveler who discovers her secret and becomes her unlikely confidante. Meanwhile her best friend scares herself witless ghost-hunting in Edinburgh's medieval streets, and Eva's boyfriend gets it into his head to come visit without advance warning. It will be a miracle if Eva can leave Scotland with all her relationships, and her sanity, intact.

Types of feedback? Any! I'm still tinkering with this story, but hope to get it posted this year and shape it into the type of Young Adult novel that adults enjoy too.

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A re-write based on the excellent feedback I received. I'm considering submitting this for publication, although I have no idea what magazines would take this type of work. So, any feedback you have would be great. I'm sure there are still some typos -- I never seem to be able to get them all, no matter how much I look. A couple of specific questions I have are: do "dad" and "mom" need to be capitalized? Can I quote song lyrics without infringing copyright? Thanks in advance for your help.

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This is a spoof of the career of a notorious fugitive and his mistress and of the attempts of the FBI to find them, and also of aspects of contemporary U.S. life such as our preoccupation with and ignorance of nutrition and exercise, and a banking industry that facilitates easy movement of proceeds from criminal activity. Although I hope it is funny, I changed the genre from humor to literary fiction because deeper meaning emerged in the first 18 chapters. I very much appreciated reviews on the first submission, hope this is improved, and welcome any and all suggestions.

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Just a few suggestions about writing sex scenes in fiction.

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Donnie Dare is lured to an encounter that changes her life.

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Revised: All the chapters have been revised. The novel is posted in its entirety so you may read at your leisure. There has been some shuffling so the previous reviews may not always match up with the chapter that it is attached to (likewise with the chapter number in the text). I have eleminated the prologue up front, reduced/deleted substantial segments and excess wordage throughout, and simplified speaker modifiers throughout. I have tried to cull a lot of the "was" without diluting the voice of the narrator (Does it work?). I hope this final go through will make it ready to publish, so any comments whatsoever will be appreciated - punctuation, character, dialgoue, flow, ANYTHING you think would improve the readability. This novel is set within an orphanage in North Carolina during the mid fifties and sixties. Though it is basically true, the characters are composite and the time lines may be occasionally altered with some literary license thrown into the mix - so, I have changed the genre from memoir to commercial fiction this time around to perhaps attract more reviewers. Opinions? Thanks for your help and advice.

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While out for back surgery I thought about my "collegues" in the tech world and the silly things they do, so I wrote about them. Most everything here is true. Unfortunately my writing expereince prior to this consists almost entirely of technical documentation. Since this is the case, passive voice, mixing past, present and future tense in the same sentence and grammer in general is difficlut for me. All comments are greatly appreciated. Advice is most welcome as well.

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In the form of a comic, coming-of-age novel, The Happiness Apprentice explores the positive psychology movement through protagonist Mike Morgan, an ADD afflicted snowboarder, who wakes up one day—dead—in a job that’s way over his head. As an unwilling recruit in The Happiness Initiative, miserable Mike is thrust into an environment where everyone is joyous. Even Christ, nailed to the cross, has a smile on his face. And worse yet, Mike’s assignment is to help living people find happiness. But his real challenge is to regain his own, despite pining away for his hot girlfriend, fending off advances from his perky, middle-aged boss, and of course, being dead. All comments welcome. I look forward to hearing form you.

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Okay so after a year of reviews from everyone on the site, and after some soul searching, some serious edits, rewrites and revisions I am now reposting my book, Redemption Don't Come Cheap. It is now called - Once Upon A Time In Brooklyn - and I hope you like it. The story opens in 1964 when three nine year-old boys from diverse backgrounds view the movie Goldfinger for the twentieth time and see no problem in emulating their hero by painting the baby sister of one of the boys bright red, from neck to toes. Fortunately, the baby takes it all very well, and is unharmed, but the aftermath of the boys’ punishment rips their friendship apart. In fact, they barely talk for thirty years until a break-in at a local store, a twist of fate, and a series of letters from the grave inexplicably and simultaneously draw them back to the scene of the crime. Here they reveal multiple ‘long kept’ secrets under the stress of a new, shared predicament and it becomes clear that at least one of them may have to die to save the other two.

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We (my co-creator and I) would be delighted to hear anything feedback you think could help us improve this work. I am especially interested to know if it keeps you wanting to read more. This is a working title and we would also love to have any suggestions on that. Thank you for taking the time to read this! We really appreciate that! We look forward to hearing from you!

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All Z Anna Marley wanted to do was save her money to finish college. Instead, she's agree to loan what she has saved to Hoops--her best friend’s brother AND the love of her life. They all, including her best friend’s boyfriend plotted to take a road trip to Mexico to save Hoops' Mexican girlfriend, who has been tricked into going to Mexico and kidnapped by her own family because they didn’t want her dating a black man. Raising hell from Atlanta, GA straight to the border of Mexico, Z battles against the love she has for Hoops, who has taken advantage of how she felt since they were children. Although she deemed herself the biggest woman fool for helping the man she love set his girlfriend free, she also wanted to find out if that experience would set her free to love someone else. From unpredictable voodoo curses in Louisiana to real life cowboy shoot outs in the deserts of Texas, Z finds out the money for her education has already paid for the biggest lesson in her life...

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A hair-raising tale.

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This is really more for a middle grade audience and is a humorous tale. It's about one of those staple teen protagonists, Abbie (who happens to have an funny bodily issue), who is tired of being picked on by the school biatch, Dylan, and decides to give her a taste of her own medicine. I wrote this for fun and I hope you like it. Feel free to comment at will. As any writer should, I can take it.

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Anyone that is married, or has a significant other will appreciate this true "revenge" story.

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This a actually a novella I hope to sell as an ebook. Some parts are most explicit and I won't be in the least offended if readers skip over some of that. But I'd like to ferret out the typos, grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors and any lapses in logic. It's meant to be funny, so if the jokes fall flat please say so.

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This is about a woman spending a day at the circus when she lives through an event she will never forget. Any and all feedback are welcome however I'm most intrested in making sure the story is easy to follow. Thanks for reading.

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This a actually a novella I hope to sell as an ebook. Some parts are most explicit and I won't be in the least offended if readers skip over some of that. But I'd like to ferret out the typos, grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors and any lapses in logic. It's meant to be funny, so if the jokes fall flat please say so.

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This a actually a novella I hope to sell as an ebook. Some parts are most explicit and I won't be in the least offended if readers skip over some of that. But I'd like to ferret out the typos, grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors and any lapses in logic. It's meant to be funny, so if the jokes fall flat please say so.

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This a actually a novella I hope to sell as an ebook. Some parts are most explicit and I won't be in the least offended if readers skip over some of that. But I'd like to ferret out the typos, grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors and any lapses in logic. It's meant to be funny, so if the jokes aren't working, please say so.

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A man faces his fear of deep water by agreeing to go water skiing in the ocean. Things don't go so well. I wrote this for fun and have previously posted it on my blog. Any and all feedback appreciated. I'm just a newbie looking to learn this craft.

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This story is a lighthearted look a flea market vender's day. I'm going to enter this in a contest next week, so any help polishing it up would be much appreciated. Though all characters are completely fictional, there really is a Luke's flea market near here, where they sell everything from food to used firearms and farm animals.

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All Sam Champion wants is to earn an honest dollar - or if it's a little less than honest, so be it. He has converted what was once a space passenger liner into a cargo ship and takes on any job that comes his way - as long as it pays well enough. When his team are called on to fight, they are the ones leaving clouds of cosmic dust in the wake of their retreat. So far things have gone smoothly but if Sam thinks he has hoodwinked the establishment, he has another think coming. (although she is not such a regular to this site. I have to thank MDodson for the inspiration)

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Divorce from a man's perspective perhaps?

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News Report: The Daily Mouse. Jan 6, 2008 Four cats were arrested in connection with the murder of a mouse at the house of a local writer.When questioned, the cats categorically denied the crime, made a statement to Ms Nove to this effect, and were released on bail of 1 kilo of cheese. Investigations are ongoing.

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Sometimes politics is crazy like cats, mice and clocks all running to the finish line and here they go again.

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For some unknown reason, women feel they must drop hints as to the gifts they would like to receive from men. The poem is a silly take on how this ritual does NOT work!

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Drabble contest entry - The writer's point of view can make all the difference. Keep the faith and never falter, dear NBW members.

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Thought I'd take a shot at a drabble. I was stuck on 98 words for the longest time.

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A casual search of the Internet will reveal two schools of thought on the origin of the first Bible. While some believe the good book was commissioned by the Roman emperor Constantine, others contend the various books of the Old and New Testaments were not compiled until a much later date. As the Bible itself is full of inconsistencies and contradicitons, I felt free to choose the version that best suits my purpose.

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I spent a lot of time on the ocean for a resident of Kansas. The ocean can bring a lot of beneficial things. Sometimes it can bring death.

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I have revised the original posting of "In a Pig's IQ," taking into consideration the original reviews. It is slightly longer than the original.

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Author Lady is back for another snarky review of the writing world. It has nothing to do with anyone on this site or any review given to me or anyone I know or have seen – well, okay, I was talking to Dewey about descriptions. He told me I need to work on mine – which is true – So I get to write another short story and I hope I get the descriptions right, hang the characters and the plot! I just want to work on my descriptions – or is word painting a better descriptive phrase? (WARNING – BLOOD AND GUTS – COULD BE A BIT DISTURBING)

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A ship loaded with iron ore comes in to dock at a steel mill. Because a crew member has a febrile illness, the company's medical director must determine if the illness is a communicable disease requiring the ship to be quarantined. Any suggestions about the Spanish (or anything else) are welcome although I don't want Joe's to be too accurate. Also, I'm concerned about some of the extraneous stuff, i.e. the Chinese flu, the Swedish ship.

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My first and only entanglement with the dreaded Haiku

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THANKS TO ALL THE INPUT I RECEIVED THE LAST TIME I POSTED THIS, I HAVE SPENT SIX MONTHS RE-EDITING AND TAKEN WHAT WAS A 200,000 WORD NOVEL DOWN TO A 113,000 WORD NOVEL. YOU WERE ALL CORRECT, IT WAS WAY TOO LONG. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO AGAIN:- Redemption Don’t Come Cheap opens in Brooklyn in 1964, after three nine-year-old boys from diverse backgrounds view the movie Goldfinger for the twentieth time. Later they see absolutely no problem in emulating Mr. Bond’s movie and painting the eighteen-month-old sister of one of the boys, bright red from neck to toes. The baby survives in good humor and for two of the boys, the repercussions of their punishment are maybe just, for the third it is simply tragic. The aftermath rips their friendship apart, throws their lives onto very different courses and the boys ultimately grow to distrust and dislike each other. They barely talk for thirty years; until a break-in at a local pet store, a strange twist of fate and a series of letters from the grave finally start to work, and all three men are inexplicably drawn back to the scene of the ‘baby painting,’ simultaneously. Once they meet again, they face up to old truths, reveal multiple secrets and nothing is ever what it seems for very long. When a brand new shared predicament makes it clear at least one of them needs to be a scapegoat and die, they begin a fight for personal survival. Their epic story involves multiple pet thefts from a local Mafia boss, a language-challenged priest who pays dearly for insulting the pope, a drunken monkey with a very bad attitude, an international diplomatic incident, the repeated theft of some very unlucky diamonds, abduction, subtle deceit, public humiliation, bare-faced lying, cheating, murder in abandon, accidental serial pet-o-cide, a trip through the Twilight Zone and finally, for one of them, personal redemption.

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Welcome to Maudlingham, a quaint little English town tucked away in the green belt area off the south coast, carefully hidden from the spotlight of modern day commerce.

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After a writing class in which we discussed how to write about sex (street terms vs anatomical), I came home and wrote this piece of nonsense using every anatomical term I could find. Strictly for fun. Rphil205

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What do a young, disillusioned man, a baseball fan, and an anarchist lesbian from Switzerland have in common?**** Mick, who dislikes his job, isn’t sure about his wife, disdains work at any level and desperately wants a massage. Max, who has no job, loves his wife, loves baseball but not the players, and wonders what to do next with his life. And Holly Al-Gutentag, an equal rights anarchist and lightly armed pacifist lesbian from Switzerland.**** These three seemingly unrelated lives each have their unique problems. Witness the slow boil to fruition, ultimately symbolized by Lady Liberty herself. Find out why they’re PISSED — and how three separate stories can have the same ending.**** (86,500 words.) NOTE: PLEASE START AT THE BEGINNING. Thank you.

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Cupid's arrow strikes a young lad (the author)in this hilarious true story. Only Cupid's aim is a tad off! This is the honest to God true story of what happened to me the moment I realized what GIRLS were! Everything that happens in this story really happened to me on a warm summer day in 1975!

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This is an advertisement I came across in the local newspaper the other day!

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The true life saga of New England way-farers or you really can't get they-ah from he-ah.

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This is just another one of my rants, as well as being self-therapy. I was a legal secretary for about 12 years too long, so that would be 12 years I was a legal secretary. The lawyers are being punished in my novel but I think the clients deserve some attention as well. I swear on a stack of pancakes, a smoke stack, a stacked deck, and a stacked dame that I had this conversation countless times during those 12 long years. My computer, in it's diabolical desire to screw up my life, denies me the use of italics. Sorry about that.

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Today is my third day at NBW writing school. I have decided to write "A POEM A DAY" to chronicle my time here. I've written a few tests. On day one I wrote "Good bye fears". Day two; "WHY DO WE HIDE". My marks age good, now I've got to make a few friends. I off to social study class, cause in life, every smirk needs a posy to hang."

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This bit of silliness was inspired by my year and a half stint as a wrangler of teen addicts and one of my daughter's high school friends.

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Another Sean/Roisin episode.

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This is the ultimate rant about one of my biggest pet peeves. Not for the faint of heart and by this, I mean men. All my male friends are horrified by this story. Luckily all my women friends are as sick and twisted as I am.

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Several months ago, someone, I think Selah, but I’m not positive, put forth a challenge to write a story using a provided list of words, some being: spigot, balcony, simple, price, migrate, customary, obedient, screen, broom, gypsy, tripod, state, scale, familiar, dodge. Sorry, I neglected to keep the list and don’t remember all of them, but that’s the bulk. I believe it had to be less than 1500 words or something like that. Anyway, I took up that challenge. Here’s my story. Hope you enjoy it.

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To whom does The People's Champion belong? The people or himself? That's the question foundling(orphan) Jakund Frey'lnd, a gifted young swordsman and war hero dubbed "Kid Blade," struggles with as he battles the ferocious Gothari and learns that his fame as warrior makes him a target for those looking to make a name for themself as well as an unwilling player in the games of the powerful. This is a Young Adult Fantasy, filled with humor and action, designed to appeal to all ages.

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A female slob describes her method of dealing with guests.

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A young female police officer attempts to cope with clowns, riots, male police officers and big breasts.

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My boyfriend and I met on Valentine's Day and this poem was written for him on the next Feb. 14. Every word is true.

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A young woman's unwilling trip to a fortune teller offers a way out of what had seemed to be a bleak future.

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During 1939 in London, a new type of spying device has been presented, by its inventor, to Unit Five, a British intelligence unit. Unit Five's problem is to find a willing candidate to carry it inside Germany, while pretending to be a German Army officer. A desperate search ensues with lots of complications. But, when a volunteer arrives in Nazi Germany, just prior to war breaking out, extremely unusual coincidental events occur. The sex-starved wife of a German Army General ensnares the young British spy as a bed mate. From then on, a detailed plot unravels involving treachery, treason, sex and murder.

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Most historians list Princess Noor Inayat Khan as one of the most intriguing heroines of the Twentieth Century and rank her up near the top along with Mata Hari. She was born inside the Kremlin during 1914 and evolved from infancy into an emotional, naive, careless and beautiful young woman ... hardly the attributes of a future spy. This novel is based upon true events during the years 1914-1944. While being brought up in France, Princess Noor clandestinely falls in love with Paulo. He is torn from her arms after being drafted, during 1935, into the Italian army to fight in Ethiopia and she spends the next eight years trying to discover his whereabouts while he is constantly sent to other danger zones in North Africa, Spain and Russia.

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With some trepidation, I’ve agreed to match wits with my good friend Gale (Gem) Martin in a series of “he said-she said” columns. The cause of my reluctance isn’t Gale herself, but my own dismal performance when it comes to arguing with women—on any subject. My trophy case is empty, my win column destitute. When Gale says, “This will be fun.”, I hear the sound of knives on whetstones, the Pennsylvania Polka playing in the background. Make sure to let me know if I'm winning.

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Should women be called "girls"? Find out in the second verbal smackdown between Kirk and gem--from a new weekly column on gem's blog.

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The world in which we live is changing drastically. Science and technology are taking us to levels of existence hitherto deemed impossible. But where has man really progressed? Just a few thoughts.

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Introduction.... DADDY, WHY CAN'T I SAY 'ASS?' is about living in the moment, as well as living in some other moments; keeping your eye on the goal, once you get a goal; and eating hotdogs instead of Matzoh-ball Ramen soup. It’s about parenting the modern girl-child from the perspective of a divorced father, while he tries to find his voice as a writer and his place as a husband.

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We're six years into the 21st century and guys, it sucks to be you. There are lots of reasons why and Starbuck MacIntyre has a lot to say about it. Want to reclaim your masculinity? Tired of women trying to change you? Sick of psycho ex-girlfriends who call you when you're gettin' some with someone else? Got a girlfriend who reads chick-lit and who might be addicted to "Sex and the City?" This read is for you!

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I uncovered a shocking truth researching my online dating story for TNBW, which I shared with my blog readers and now share with you.

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I discovered this wonderful online reference called the Urban Dictionary. This essay is a recent blog entry celebrating this wonderfully kitschy resource. Get "chicked-up," ya'll.

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My lightly philosophical rant regarding the phenomenon of (ahem) "yawning" during the act of "sleeping," inpired by Dill Carver's piece, "Seminar." I just edited this, adding some context as to my secret code words, per the suggestions of my early reviewers.

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This is my entry in the online.When you last met up with Tangie Giacometti, she just spent one sweet afternoon with John Cusack. Life is sadly back to normal. Another chapter in the continuing adventures of Tangie Giacometti. I just want you to know that I, gem, have been married for twenty-one years. Undaunted by that handicap (or blessing, depending on how you look at it), I think I did enough research to pull off a contemporary tale of dating in the electronic age. The place where Tangie works, Let's Do Lunch, is a send-up of It's Just Lunch, a for-profit dating service whose franchises are in legal trouble for not delivering on their contracts.

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